
It goes from silence to cackle in 3.2 seconds. From the moment we enter a room/ car/ kitchen/ restaurant/ store we talk and laugh and cry and exaggerate. We're sisters.
We were that before we were women, before we were wives and way before we were Mother's. And although we are very different in age and personality, we are the same in spirit. We are seekers. We are thinkers. We're processors, analyzing each other and situations in order to understand them more. In order to understand ourselves more.
Today I get to share them with you as we talk about the journey of caring for our SELVES in the midst of caring for others. I asked them how they have cultivated the parts of them that aren't called "Mom" and I think you'll be both encouraged and challenged by what they share.
We were that before we were women, before we were wives and way before we were Mother's. And although we are very different in age and personality, we are the same in spirit. We are seekers. We are thinkers. We're processors, analyzing each other and situations in order to understand them more. In order to understand ourselves more.
Today I get to share them with you as we talk about the journey of caring for our SELVES in the midst of caring for others. I asked them how they have cultivated the parts of them that aren't called "Mom" and I think you'll be both encouraged and challenged by what they share.

As my oldest sister shared, she was addressing mostly the stay-at-home Mother's because naturally, when you work outside of your home, you are already creating a "non-mother" aspect of your life.
"Society in general and our culture lends itself to a child-centered life, where we are defined only by the fact that we have children. Young moms often feel burned-out by the time they have one or two toddlers underfoot. I believe it's unfair to women to put this kind of pressure on themselves. Mothering is a big job, yes, but it should not define completely who I am as a person.
A way to cultivate the "non-mother" part of you is to first of all, develop a mindset that places your relationship with your God, and if you are married, your relationship with your husband, at the center or the nucleus of your life, with your children as satellites that revolve around the nucleus, sort of like the planets do to the sun.
It is important in the midst of the busy season of mothering to sometimes remember who you were before you had children. Think back to the things you liked to do--and start doing some of those again! Even in the midst of a very busy schedule, you can still do some of them--really! Cultivate activities with your children around you. They can learn to be a part of what you do, but not necessarily be the center of it.
Read, garden, exercise, play an instrument, work a phone hotline for a cause you believe in, host a ladies Bible Study or start a book club. In my opinion, one of the best things we can do for our children is allow them to see us as a real live PERSON, not just a servant who is there simply to do their bidding, but an interesting person, someone they can look up to and even emulate. They learn that Mom is there for them when they need her, but she will never be able to be everything her child needs in life. NO human being was ever created to be everything for another human being. Only God can be that, and we do our children a favor when we teach them this concept at an early age."
Even now this continues to be evident in Fan's life. She and her husband recently renovated and opened a delectable Corner Coffee Shop and adjacent home decor store, The Treasure Place. Proving again that living and dreaming, (apart from parenting) is both possible and inspirational. They have four grown children and enjoy their 2 grandchildren.
"Society in general and our culture lends itself to a child-centered life, where we are defined only by the fact that we have children. Young moms often feel burned-out by the time they have one or two toddlers underfoot. I believe it's unfair to women to put this kind of pressure on themselves. Mothering is a big job, yes, but it should not define completely who I am as a person.
A way to cultivate the "non-mother" part of you is to first of all, develop a mindset that places your relationship with your God, and if you are married, your relationship with your husband, at the center or the nucleus of your life, with your children as satellites that revolve around the nucleus, sort of like the planets do to the sun.
It is important in the midst of the busy season of mothering to sometimes remember who you were before you had children. Think back to the things you liked to do--and start doing some of those again! Even in the midst of a very busy schedule, you can still do some of them--really! Cultivate activities with your children around you. They can learn to be a part of what you do, but not necessarily be the center of it.
Read, garden, exercise, play an instrument, work a phone hotline for a cause you believe in, host a ladies Bible Study or start a book club. In my opinion, one of the best things we can do for our children is allow them to see us as a real live PERSON, not just a servant who is there simply to do their bidding, but an interesting person, someone they can look up to and even emulate. They learn that Mom is there for them when they need her, but she will never be able to be everything her child needs in life. NO human being was ever created to be everything for another human being. Only God can be that, and we do our children a favor when we teach them this concept at an early age."
Even now this continues to be evident in Fan's life. She and her husband recently renovated and opened a delectable Corner Coffee Shop and adjacent home decor store, The Treasure Place. Proving again that living and dreaming, (apart from parenting) is both possible and inspirational. They have four grown children and enjoy their 2 grandchildren.

As we reflected on how important encouraging friendships are, my sister Janet shared some great insight about being vulnerable with others. She and her husband have 6 six children in a beautifully blended family.
"As women we have to remember it's not all about us! We need to get outside of ourselves and think about others. Investing in friendships is one way to do that, but more than simply having friends, we need to CHOOSE to be authentic in our emotions. With wisdom, we can risk being vulnerable and share the secrets we may have that can lead to death inside our body, soul and spirit. When we find someone trustworthy to confide in we can stand together and encourage each other. Life is meant to be shared.
The world is better when we as women CHOOSE to see the good in each other and celebrate our differences instead of being threatened by them. We can then stop comparing ourselves and our children and truly be excited in the moment.
That can lead to a posture (inward stance) of rest, in friendship and in relationships which will lead to a position (outward stand) of peace. Above all, it's an individual heart and attitude issue. I often remind myself that who we are in our 20's is magnified in our 30's which is magnified in our 40's and so on.
Who am I becoming?"
"As women we have to remember it's not all about us! We need to get outside of ourselves and think about others. Investing in friendships is one way to do that, but more than simply having friends, we need to CHOOSE to be authentic in our emotions. With wisdom, we can risk being vulnerable and share the secrets we may have that can lead to death inside our body, soul and spirit. When we find someone trustworthy to confide in we can stand together and encourage each other. Life is meant to be shared.
The world is better when we as women CHOOSE to see the good in each other and celebrate our differences instead of being threatened by them. We can then stop comparing ourselves and our children and truly be excited in the moment.
That can lead to a posture (inward stance) of rest, in friendship and in relationships which will lead to a position (outward stand) of peace. Above all, it's an individual heart and attitude issue. I often remind myself that who we are in our 20's is magnified in our 30's which is magnified in our 40's and so on.
Who am I becoming?"
Having my sisters input into my life has been one of the greatest earthly gifts. Their mistakes and lessons learned, their humility and desires to leave this place better than they found it have been a pillar in my adult life. And although there are many who have no siblings, let alone sisters, there are friendships that forge their way into our lives. And my sincere hope is that you have at least one of those. Someone near that spurs you onto a better you. Not a "do it better" you or a "be more like me" you or worse yet a "try harder" you. But someone that carries and lifts and helps us traverse this journey called life. A person that illuminates the brilliance that is within each one of us.
It's no easy task to cultivate deep relationships. There's a million other things calling at us. And sometimes being intentional about our friendships is one way we show care to our selves. Especially in this more conservative culture where I live, there's a lot of praises for the self-sacrificing Mother, (as there should rightfully be). However, we can lose the gift of self care in the midst of that. We spend our days and nights placing the needs of those around us above and instead of our own. We focus on just getting through the day so we can just get through the next. But there is beauty to be FOUND, tasted and enjoyed! And it may begin with caring for ourselves first.....part of caring for me is through reading. Here's a book I just ordered and cannot wait to savor, please enjoy the stunning "book trailer", did you know there was such a thing?
It's no easy task to cultivate deep relationships. There's a million other things calling at us. And sometimes being intentional about our friendships is one way we show care to our selves. Especially in this more conservative culture where I live, there's a lot of praises for the self-sacrificing Mother, (as there should rightfully be). However, we can lose the gift of self care in the midst of that. We spend our days and nights placing the needs of those around us above and instead of our own. We focus on just getting through the day so we can just get through the next. But there is beauty to be FOUND, tasted and enjoyed! And it may begin with caring for ourselves first.....part of caring for me is through reading. Here's a book I just ordered and cannot wait to savor, please enjoy the stunning "book trailer", did you know there was such a thing?
My sister Yvonne is a Mother of five and her identity is being reformed as she learns more about self-care. It's a rich inheritance that she's discovering.
"There's a difference between self-care and self-centeredness. Self care is paying attention to my reactions and attitudes. It is being willing to look at them and not blaming others or circumstances for my reactions. When it's self care you are nurturing your own soul and then that is what nourishes and evaporates into your family and surroundings. When you're caring for yourself you are caring for your family. It is purposeful and continuous through all the stages and events of life. Beth Moore says 'a long obedience in the same direction'. We must be intentional about our daily living, being aware and awake. Realizing that our choices today really do impact our tomorrows!
We don't expect others to feed and dress us and so it is with caring and nourishing our souls. It is a gift we give ourselves. The overflow is what we bring to others. We are then inviting and not demanding.
If we approach it the other way around (expecting others and things to fill us and then I will be happy and satisfied) it very quickly becomes about us, which leads to self centeredness. Our culture is teaching us self centeredness in profound ways. We are so self centered and we feel it's our right to be that way. If we think about the way our Mother's and Grandmother's lived compared to how we do now, we see that we are less becoming, less inviting when operating out of our self centered ways."
"There's a difference between self-care and self-centeredness. Self care is paying attention to my reactions and attitudes. It is being willing to look at them and not blaming others or circumstances for my reactions. When it's self care you are nurturing your own soul and then that is what nourishes and evaporates into your family and surroundings. When you're caring for yourself you are caring for your family. It is purposeful and continuous through all the stages and events of life. Beth Moore says 'a long obedience in the same direction'. We must be intentional about our daily living, being aware and awake. Realizing that our choices today really do impact our tomorrows!
We don't expect others to feed and dress us and so it is with caring and nourishing our souls. It is a gift we give ourselves. The overflow is what we bring to others. We are then inviting and not demanding.
If we approach it the other way around (expecting others and things to fill us and then I will be happy and satisfied) it very quickly becomes about us, which leads to self centeredness. Our culture is teaching us self centeredness in profound ways. We are so self centered and we feel it's our right to be that way. If we think about the way our Mother's and Grandmother's lived compared to how we do now, we see that we are less becoming, less inviting when operating out of our self centered ways."
Mother's and Grandmother's. A different generation. Dare I say, an altogether different culture? Sometimes I wonder what my children will think of me when they themselves are adults. Surely there will be a whispered hush about "the annoying things that Mom does" and talk of my "old fashioned" ways. I hope that when I'm old and gray though I have spent some time discovering who I am apart from the lovely gift of Motherhood. I hope there are parts of me that are thriving and growing just because I'm alive. And perhaps that starts today while my sink is full of dishes and the washing machine is spinning, their Mom is busy doing a little something for herself. For her self.