My leap into Motherhood came almost 8 years ago. I remember thinking over and over again, "I just want to be a good Mom." My baby grew right along with my concern. I didn't read a lot of books back then on parenting, (still don't), Pinterest wasn't even a word and Facebook hadn't been invented yet. I was one of the lucky ones, my journey into the land of Motherhood still involved human interaction, face to face contact/advice and hand-written letters. Man, I miss those days. On an April day one of those letters arrived. It was from my sister. She was in the thick of Mothering four young girls, (ages 6, 4, 2 and 6 months so she had a thing or two to share) and her words breathed life into my worried-filled heart:
Dear Janelle, As your entry to the wonderful world of Motherhood is quickly approaching, it seems your anxiety about being a "good" Mom are growing along with your belly. I put "good" Mom in quotes because I'm not sure any of us are "good" Mom's. When I picture a "good" Mom it is one who is always patient and kind, who is dressed nicely with children that are dressed nicely. She cooks and bakes and cleans with a smile and her children surround her with their smiles, etc....I suppose all these things are okay and goals to go towards, but that is NOT the core of Motherhood. Motherhood is all about WHO you are. If you struggle in an area today, Motherhood will stretch you even further and call to attention that weakness. And then there comes the time when that weakness stares back at you through the eyes of your child. So you try to root it out of your life and your heart for the sake of your child---and that is true kindness.
Then there comes the night when your baby is sick and only wants and needs you. So you stay by their side the whole night through, when you'd rather be beside your husband under the warm down comforter---and that takes & is true patience.
Daily we make mistakes or misjudgments or assume we know what a solution is in the life of our child and it proves to be wrong. But they are resilient and forgiving and we must be quick to ask their forgiveness even when they are little and don't understand our wrong doing. Then we are teaching them forgiveness and humility---tools for life.
This child and you are a perfect match. Perfect because you belong together and have all you need to be the perfect parent to your little one. You won't do this perfectly, but who each of you are is enough. Just as you have what it takes to birth your baby, you have what it takes to raise him or her. You will have moments of questioning that, but don't get hung up there because that turns your emotional energy on your rather than on your child. Just believe deep down, an inner confidence, that you are doing your best. Of course we want to improve and grow. The Lord within us calls us to attention and gives us the desire to become more like Him.
Motherhood calls us to look out. To look outside of ourselves. To find energy when you "don't feel like" doing something. To put aside more of our agenda for the day and be okay with lots of interruptions. It calls us to give more than we even knew we had in us, (and this starts during delivery). It is motivating and life giving to look at all of theses sacrifices as challenges versus a burden. A burden weighs us down, but to count our child and raising them as a privilege stirs us on.
So I guess all of this was to say, "look out" and see the potential to become a better woman, not focusing solely on who you'll be as a Mom but who you want to become as a person. It is all intertwined in this wonderful thing we call LIFE. You are carrying LIFE....what a miracle!!
Proverbs 31:27-28 (27) "She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness, gossip, discontent and self-pity she will not eat. (28) Her children rise up and call her blessed and her husband praises her." I have asked myself does verse 28 rely on obeying verse 27?
"He will feed His flock like a Shepherd: He will gather the lambs in His arm. He will carry them in His bosom and will gently lead those that have their young, (that's us)!! Isaiah 40:11
Count on Him to gently lead you!
I love you, (and love your little one too).
What a gift to have this treasure of words spoken into my life! And now into yours as well! Eight years and four children later I still think and wonder about being what others call "a good Mom". Daily I doubt the effectiveness of what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. And quite frankly, I've come to despise those words, "good Mom". I think they're a setup for failure every time. Another thing to strive toward, to measure up and work at, to lose sleep over and pass judgement on, to gloat in or to discourage and sink our Motherships. I think we as humans tend to correlate our actions with our goodness. I throw great birthday parties for my children, then I must be a good Mom. I buy them all the things they want, I must be a good Mom. I celebrate every holiday with extravagance, I am a good Mom. I dress them in the best clothing and send them to the best schools, I must be a good Mom. It's all so trivial, the things that OTHERS think make up this image. What about the hearts of the matter, the little hearts that matter? I think they care far less about me being a "good Mom" then I do. They just want me.
Sometimes when I lay down to sleep at night I imagine the other tired Mother's in all parts of the world. The quiet and remote Chilean islands, the busy streets of Indonesia, the dirt roads of India and the mud huts of Africa. All those precious Mothers working so hard to give and keep life. And they are good Moms, NOT for what they do, (because many of them can DO so little), but for WHO they are. They are the safe place, the comfort and the food and that is enough. And that is enough for me and for you too, you are enough because you are the Mother of your children. May we continue to find rest in WHO we are as Mother's and not what we DO.
"Jesus take the wheel, take it from my hands, 'cause I can't do this on my own, I'm letting go...." (lyrics by Carrie Underwood).
Dear Janelle, As your entry to the wonderful world of Motherhood is quickly approaching, it seems your anxiety about being a "good" Mom are growing along with your belly. I put "good" Mom in quotes because I'm not sure any of us are "good" Mom's. When I picture a "good" Mom it is one who is always patient and kind, who is dressed nicely with children that are dressed nicely. She cooks and bakes and cleans with a smile and her children surround her with their smiles, etc....I suppose all these things are okay and goals to go towards, but that is NOT the core of Motherhood. Motherhood is all about WHO you are. If you struggle in an area today, Motherhood will stretch you even further and call to attention that weakness. And then there comes the time when that weakness stares back at you through the eyes of your child. So you try to root it out of your life and your heart for the sake of your child---and that is true kindness.
Then there comes the night when your baby is sick and only wants and needs you. So you stay by their side the whole night through, when you'd rather be beside your husband under the warm down comforter---and that takes & is true patience.
Daily we make mistakes or misjudgments or assume we know what a solution is in the life of our child and it proves to be wrong. But they are resilient and forgiving and we must be quick to ask their forgiveness even when they are little and don't understand our wrong doing. Then we are teaching them forgiveness and humility---tools for life.
This child and you are a perfect match. Perfect because you belong together and have all you need to be the perfect parent to your little one. You won't do this perfectly, but who each of you are is enough. Just as you have what it takes to birth your baby, you have what it takes to raise him or her. You will have moments of questioning that, but don't get hung up there because that turns your emotional energy on your rather than on your child. Just believe deep down, an inner confidence, that you are doing your best. Of course we want to improve and grow. The Lord within us calls us to attention and gives us the desire to become more like Him.
Motherhood calls us to look out. To look outside of ourselves. To find energy when you "don't feel like" doing something. To put aside more of our agenda for the day and be okay with lots of interruptions. It calls us to give more than we even knew we had in us, (and this starts during delivery). It is motivating and life giving to look at all of theses sacrifices as challenges versus a burden. A burden weighs us down, but to count our child and raising them as a privilege stirs us on.
So I guess all of this was to say, "look out" and see the potential to become a better woman, not focusing solely on who you'll be as a Mom but who you want to become as a person. It is all intertwined in this wonderful thing we call LIFE. You are carrying LIFE....what a miracle!!
Proverbs 31:27-28 (27) "She looks well to how things go in her household, and the bread of idleness, gossip, discontent and self-pity she will not eat. (28) Her children rise up and call her blessed and her husband praises her." I have asked myself does verse 28 rely on obeying verse 27?
"He will feed His flock like a Shepherd: He will gather the lambs in His arm. He will carry them in His bosom and will gently lead those that have their young, (that's us)!! Isaiah 40:11
Count on Him to gently lead you!
I love you, (and love your little one too).
What a gift to have this treasure of words spoken into my life! And now into yours as well! Eight years and four children later I still think and wonder about being what others call "a good Mom". Daily I doubt the effectiveness of what I'm doing and how I'm doing it. And quite frankly, I've come to despise those words, "good Mom". I think they're a setup for failure every time. Another thing to strive toward, to measure up and work at, to lose sleep over and pass judgement on, to gloat in or to discourage and sink our Motherships. I think we as humans tend to correlate our actions with our goodness. I throw great birthday parties for my children, then I must be a good Mom. I buy them all the things they want, I must be a good Mom. I celebrate every holiday with extravagance, I am a good Mom. I dress them in the best clothing and send them to the best schools, I must be a good Mom. It's all so trivial, the things that OTHERS think make up this image. What about the hearts of the matter, the little hearts that matter? I think they care far less about me being a "good Mom" then I do. They just want me.
Sometimes when I lay down to sleep at night I imagine the other tired Mother's in all parts of the world. The quiet and remote Chilean islands, the busy streets of Indonesia, the dirt roads of India and the mud huts of Africa. All those precious Mothers working so hard to give and keep life. And they are good Moms, NOT for what they do, (because many of them can DO so little), but for WHO they are. They are the safe place, the comfort and the food and that is enough. And that is enough for me and for you too, you are enough because you are the Mother of your children. May we continue to find rest in WHO we are as Mother's and not what we DO.
"Jesus take the wheel, take it from my hands, 'cause I can't do this on my own, I'm letting go...." (lyrics by Carrie Underwood).
