It happened at the restaurant tucked away in the back of the second floor of the John Wannamakers Department Store, to the right of the fine china registry. Its pale blue walls and pink vinyl booths were designed to look like the inside of a Victorian stagecoach. I neither remember the name of the restaurant nor the woman whose words have lingered through more than thirty years since she spoke them over the chef salad she placed before me on my white paper place mat.
“Sweetie, you’re so pretty. What’s your name?”
“Sweetie, you’re so pretty. What’s your name?”
“Jeane`”
“Ooooh! What a pretty and special name! I’ll tell you what, someday I think it could be in lights!” She winked and moved onto the next table.
That’s it. That is the only encounter I ever had with that woman whose name I’ll never know. It was over thirty years ago, but I have remembered her words clearly ever since. She only had a line or two to give on the stage of my life, but her little bit was far more indelible to my memory than any actress that Hollywood manufactured throughout all the impressionable days of my youth. In that moment all those years ago early on in my journey to the complicated Land of Womanhood, she was my leading lady.
The razor-sharp memory of her words uttered so many years ago (even though not prophetic in nature) is what leads me to share a truth hot off the press of my heart.
My fingers type these words especially for the woman who, either by choice or circumstance, will feel as though they are exempt from any inclusion during the upcoming onslaught of Mother’s Day commercials/blog posts/articles/tweets/status updates. This self-imposed bystander status may tap open a great sadness, a matter-of-fact indifference or perhaps for some, a measure of relief. Whatever your age, lot in life, celebrated or unwanted life story, if you aren’t already aware, you have opportunities waiting to be someone's leading lady, be it in a passing moment, for a season or the duration of a lifetime.
To be or have a mother/mama/ma/mom/mommy/la madre is cause for a day (or lifetime) of celebrating, the role worth honoring. Certainly it is. And yet, for all the influence and sway a woman in such a role has for better or worse, there are limits to her power and spells she can neither cast nor break like that of someone outside the realm of the parent and child relationship. She can deliver a message to her child with all the sincerity and good intentions in all the world, but because she's assumed as prejudiced ("you have to say that, you're my mom") or due to the fact that she is also the enforcer of standards (ie: see what I mean HERE), the most eloquent of statements or speeches delivered in times of need often fall on deaf ears.
“Ooooh! What a pretty and special name! I’ll tell you what, someday I think it could be in lights!” She winked and moved onto the next table.
That’s it. That is the only encounter I ever had with that woman whose name I’ll never know. It was over thirty years ago, but I have remembered her words clearly ever since. She only had a line or two to give on the stage of my life, but her little bit was far more indelible to my memory than any actress that Hollywood manufactured throughout all the impressionable days of my youth. In that moment all those years ago early on in my journey to the complicated Land of Womanhood, she was my leading lady.
The razor-sharp memory of her words uttered so many years ago (even though not prophetic in nature) is what leads me to share a truth hot off the press of my heart.
My fingers type these words especially for the woman who, either by choice or circumstance, will feel as though they are exempt from any inclusion during the upcoming onslaught of Mother’s Day commercials/blog posts/articles/tweets/status updates. This self-imposed bystander status may tap open a great sadness, a matter-of-fact indifference or perhaps for some, a measure of relief. Whatever your age, lot in life, celebrated or unwanted life story, if you aren’t already aware, you have opportunities waiting to be someone's leading lady, be it in a passing moment, for a season or the duration of a lifetime.
To be or have a mother/mama/ma/mom/mommy/la madre is cause for a day (or lifetime) of celebrating, the role worth honoring. Certainly it is. And yet, for all the influence and sway a woman in such a role has for better or worse, there are limits to her power and spells she can neither cast nor break like that of someone outside the realm of the parent and child relationship. She can deliver a message to her child with all the sincerity and good intentions in all the world, but because she's assumed as prejudiced ("you have to say that, you're my mom") or due to the fact that she is also the enforcer of standards (ie: see what I mean HERE), the most eloquent of statements or speeches delivered in times of need often fall on deaf ears.
Let me take a moment to speak to those women who someone calls "Aunt". You likely have just the smallest sliver of an idea as to the impact you have on your niece (or nephew's!) life. My mom's youngest sister, Marilou and my dad's youngest sister, Kendra were both single during a majority of my youth and childhood and were absolutely, 100% my full-time, in living color American idols. They each had full reign of my heart and whatever they told me, I believed (and I'm sure to my mother's frustration at times, it could be the very same thing she had said to me that I dismissed before she got to the end of her sentence). Aunt Lou sprayed on JonTu, and then so did I. Aunt Kendra wore Outback Red, and then so did I. Aunt Lou listened to James Taylor and The Carpenters, and then so did I. Aunt Kendra lived in her own apartment after college, and then eventually, so did I. The power of the person who shares the same family, but isn't the mom is that of a unique depth. It is nearly impossible for me to overstate. If you are an auntie---with or without children of your own--I beg of you to understand your role is not a minimal, second-class, forgettable one. You hold a high level of influence, perhaps in some ways, even more than their mother during the years their ears will consider to your wisdom over hers. You are distant enough from being the parent to be cool, but you are safe enough because you are family. You are a leading lady that stays on stage forever.
In a young girl's life, she will watch many an actress give a performance that renders her teary or inspired or spur her to dream. Yet when she grows up and looks back over her life, it will not be the memorized lines of Jessica Alba or Emma Stone uttered across a movie theater that infused confidence when she was low or whispered hope during a dark time. No. Those leading ladies Hollywood churns out like a silicone factory pumps out fake boobies have NOTHING on the women who open up their lives to those who are somewhere along their journey of becoming adult (a destination I'm not even entirely sure I have reached).
As I type, faces are clipping through my mind as if on a film reel, emphasizing the personal experience of my point. I see my first grade teacher, Linda, who read to us after recess as we laid our heads on the wooden desks and sparked my love of getting lost in a story...of Cheryl, a mentor who demonstrated to me that a woman didn't have to sacrifice her femininity or class to get ahead in her career...of Sarah, who had never had children of her own and instead cheerfully poured her life into raising up the lives of those who needed second (and third) chances by bringing them to be interviewed where I worked...of Betsy, who was grieving the loss of her husband during the years I would (often) pop into the High School Office and yet she would seem so interested in me and my dreams for the future. The words and ways these women lived their lives not only spoke to, but became the ingredients that formed me as a woman.
No matter who you are, what you do or the roles you play, there will always and forever be a need for a leading lady to sweep onto the stage of a young life and infuse it with kindness and confidence. Be assured, when you take the time do so and put your whole heart into your delivery, it will always be considered one of your best, most unforgettable performances.
What about you? Who was a leading lady in your life? Or is there someone you see taking the initiative to breathe kindness and confidence into the lives of those still growing up? We would LOVE to hear about her if you would care to take a minute and share the story in the comments below or share this link along with a description of your inspiring lady on your Facebook wall.
As I type, faces are clipping through my mind as if on a film reel, emphasizing the personal experience of my point. I see my first grade teacher, Linda, who read to us after recess as we laid our heads on the wooden desks and sparked my love of getting lost in a story...of Cheryl, a mentor who demonstrated to me that a woman didn't have to sacrifice her femininity or class to get ahead in her career...of Sarah, who had never had children of her own and instead cheerfully poured her life into raising up the lives of those who needed second (and third) chances by bringing them to be interviewed where I worked...of Betsy, who was grieving the loss of her husband during the years I would (often) pop into the High School Office and yet she would seem so interested in me and my dreams for the future. The words and ways these women lived their lives not only spoke to, but became the ingredients that formed me as a woman.
No matter who you are, what you do or the roles you play, there will always and forever be a need for a leading lady to sweep onto the stage of a young life and infuse it with kindness and confidence. Be assured, when you take the time do so and put your whole heart into your delivery, it will always be considered one of your best, most unforgettable performances.
What about you? Who was a leading lady in your life? Or is there someone you see taking the initiative to breathe kindness and confidence into the lives of those still growing up? We would LOVE to hear about her if you would care to take a minute and share the story in the comments below or share this link along with a description of your inspiring lady on your Facebook wall.
