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Step Out Of The Herd

5/16/2014

11 Comments

 
I am conflicted. Not in a dark and twisty kind of way, but like Two Roads Diverged In A Yellow Wood and gosh darn, which path should I take? It seems that with so many things in my life right now, I have this choice: I can choose the easy, clean, concise and vanilla road – the path of least resistance, or I can choose the messy, time-consuming, rocky road with rainbow sprinkles direction – the path that looks a little weird and is way less traveled.  The vanilla way is spotless and thoughtless, easy and straightforward.  The rocky road road is just that – rocky. But dang, it’s got chocolate, marshmallows AND sprinkles! And therein lies the dilemma.
It’s like this: For the last few years I’ve enjoyed learning about real food, cooking organically and being thoughtful in the kitchen. I will never claim to be a foodie or even a good cook, but I was using healthy, nourishing ingredients and being really creative. I was vigilant about finding local, seasonal fruits and veggies and experimented with lots of flavors and new-to-me foods (like quinoa and kefir and coconut oil, to name a few). My kitchen was always messy, and I was always in it, plus my family thought I was totally crazy. It was hard, but I was creating.  I was living organically, both literally and figuratively, and it felt good. Then I got busy, and tired and I started a business and I had another kid and now…the creativity in the kitchen has gone out the window and I am back to vanilla; the same boring meals over and over, some of them nutritious, some of them not so much. I am mindlessly following the crowd of quick and easy, half-nutritious meals. The choice has been made: my life is vanilla when it comes to all things cooking.

Listen, I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do, right? I just can’t be creative in the kitchen right now, the road is just tooooooo rocky and I’ve decided it’s just not worth it. But this has gotten me thinking. I wonder if there are any areas of my busy life that are creative, unique, or at least a little bit different from those around me?

I was a teenage girl once, and as a teenage girl a criticism that I heard frequently from adults was that we teenage girls were (or tried to be) very much the same. We tried to look the same, talk the same and we certainly acted the same. Now, I’m a grown woman and I fear that not much has changed among us women.  We shop in the same stores, watch the same shows, listen to the same music, wear the same styles, eat the same food, follow the same celebrities, go to similar churches which tout the same evangelical values, and most of our kids are in schools that are now all the same  – everything common across the board. There is not a need nor is there much of a desire or time to create anything – we let the experts create for us and then we buy, read, eat or wear what they’ve made, essentially paying them to think for us. This leads me to wonder, are these surface issues symptoms of a deeper problem? Are we really incapable of thinking for ourselves?  

This is what I like to refer to as Herd Mentality. We are so content to follow along with what the rest of the world around us is doing that we rarely express an individual thought. The Herd lives in a big house? I want one (and The Herd’s cleaning lady), too! The Herd says carbs are bad? Guess I should cut them out (and be hungry for the rest of my life)! The Herd says that I have to get a college education? $100,000 worth of debt, here I come! (Who cares if I may never actually use my degree?) The Herd’s kids play on 90 different sports teams? Better sign my 7-year-old up for soccer, LAX and little league or he’ll never go pro! (It doesn't matter if we don't eat dinner together, right?). I fear that we (myself 100% included) are caught up following the herd and accepting mundane as normal because we are not [aware? willing? able?] to break away and think outside the box for a second.

Everything inside me wants to scream that we were meant for more than this. I was meant for more than this! We are created in the image of God himself – the ultimate Creator. To say that He is creative would be a gross understatement.      
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Our Creator is the supreme artist who painted us with brush strokes of love that display our uniqueness and reflect His beauty. He is divinely diverse and fashioned us to be unique so that collectively we show the world who He really is. Yet in busyness and thoughtlessness, my life often becomes so…neutral.

neu·tral
having no strongly marked or positive characteristics or features;
bland, dispassionate, unemotional, impersonal, indifferent.

 Nowhere in creation or humankind do I see an example of God using a neutral color palette – neutral is the opposite of what he was going for. But, holyfreakingcow, I’m tired and very, very distracted. Change diaper, go on Facebook, take care of kids, check Instagram, change diaper, make food, change diaper, {text, text, text, text and text some more}, run a business, make another meal, change another diaper, watch TV, sleep for 47 minutes; repeat. Sometimes we are so busy and tired that we become content to go along with the herd. Perhaps we should take time to stop and breathe and discover what we were really meant for. Sure, I’m meant to change diapers and make meals – and sincerely thankful that I have opportunity to do it, but I know I was made for other things, too.

When I consider my truest passions, at the heart of who I am, I am a musician. I was born with this planted inside me, but it’s not something that comes out easily. Sure, I can sing karaoke at church, but the actual musicianship – the creating – takes time and space to enjoy and develop. This cannot be done when I am overly busy, preoccupied with my to-do list, and consumed with keeping up with the American Herd.

And so I wonder – is there something(s) that we can eliminate from our lives or our kids' lives in order to have the time and space to think for ourselves and reflect His image by being creative? Wouldn’t it be amazing to press Pause on the normal routine and dig up those passions/thoughts/questions that we've stuffed way down inside…or go ahead and explore something new? If you’re like me and you get caught up in the busyness and productivity of your day and then suddenly it’s 10:30pm and all you want to do is watch another episode of New Girl and go to bed, we need to proactively set aside time and space to think and reflect so that we can be people of substance and thought and actually create. This can be done in so many different ways – indoors, outdoors, with or without kids. Just consider the possibilities: music, fashion, cooking, baking, knitting, serving, filming, writing, photographing, designing, sculpting, painting, decorating, gardening, dancing…you fill in the blank.

I know, I know. There are a million butttttttttts. There are so many distractions and obligations that we women are often preoccupied with filling the needs we see. The list is sometimes endless. But here’s a thought,

Don't ask yourself what the world needs.
Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
                                                            ~ Howard Thurman ~


Sure, I can’t spend all day doing what makes me come alive on the inside, but if I give it 20 minutes of my time, won’t my family be better for it? Won’t I be a better, less BLAH friend, lover to my husband, member of my church and community? Most importantly, I will reflect the image of my Creator more rightly, and be more fulfilled while doing it. No one is going to die if we take some time to think outside the neutral box and be creative. So make your way out of the herd, even if only for a few minutes a day...lets jump off the assembly line of the great American machine and tap into that creativity that is most definitely inside of us, just waiting to be awakened.   

11 Comments
Terri
5/16/2014 10:20:37 pm

Lovely, as always, Kristen. I love the way you think and motivate and know just how to assemble the right words together...

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Kristen link
5/17/2014 01:03:38 am

Thank you, dear!

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Sarah Gingrich link
5/16/2014 10:25:31 pm

A "hey" from the stray! That would be me, the incongruous odd nut of a woman that I am. I did the bulk of my mothering overseas as a missionary in Chile, and, MAN, life in missions is HARD, but life here seems TOXIC...I do mean that. Everyone is flying around like tomorrow is on backorder. Families aren't eating together around a common table and it's considered normal to orbit your entire family kid-centrically. I'm trying to figure out what theological gymnastics the herd is managing in order to justify the huge outlay of finances, time, and energy into their kid's interests. Meanwhile, the Great Commission? Isn't that what God's people are most to be about? Knowing God and making Him known? Who has time for that?
Yes, create, make, write, compose music, yes! That might mean you say no to swim team for Johnny or piano for Alice. They'll live. They'll probably even benefit from the vast glory of free time, and, gasp, boredom which sows seeds of creativity.
But also, die! Die to self and vanity and ego and measuring up to the herd's standards. Die to temporal needs (I'm talking about Target here and all it's cute swimsuits and many etceteras), give away that which would keep you in good herd standing.
We women don't need a better version of ourselves or a touching Oprah episode or a new lotion....we need transformation; we need discipleship, we need to die so we can live aright.

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Kristen link
5/17/2014 01:11:12 am

I wholeheartedly agree, Sarah. I could write a book on the bazaar phenomenon of centering life around tiny humans. Makes me wonder if I'm the worst mom in the world because I don't plan to give up my family's free time to sit at a T-ball game. I am just not going to do it! I'm 33 - in the prime of life, right?? Should my prime be spent as a stressed out chauffeur? Is this wildly selfish or just practical? Like I said, Two Roads Diverge…which path to take??

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Hillary
5/17/2014 12:10:39 am

My favorite part:

Sure, I’m meant to change diapers and make meals – and sincerely thankful that I have opportunity to do it, but I know I was made for other things, too.

Loved this!!

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Kristen link
5/17/2014 01:13:41 am

I love living life with you, fellow diaper-changing, meal-making, soul-searching friend :)

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Cherise
5/17/2014 12:47:02 am

Lovely. Thought-provoking. And, beautifully truthful.

It’s taken years for me to accept that there are times when the herd mentality is a necessity. It keeps us in line. It gives us boundaries. Think of elephants, moving through the grasslands and all around the young ones are mothers keeping them from straying. All moving to another place but safe in the fold.

Moving through times of mundane, non-creative life are a vital part of your creative side. They make us appreciate the freedom to create when we have the time. Keep a list of ideas that you have while you’re in this place. Much of my creativity has been lost when I didn’t write ideas down in those moments. For many years I kept an idea box. It was my way of acknowledging my creative side and saying to myself, “Not right now, but someday.”

Creativity doesn’t die. Even if you’re not intentionally being creative, it’s in you and I’m sure it shows in little things you do every day.

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Kristen link
5/17/2014 01:17:09 am

Thank you, Cherise. I am printing your words to keep as a reminder during the dry times. I sincerely appreciate your insight!

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Elissa
5/17/2014 02:40:30 am

This couldn't have come at a more perfect time! My daughter's dance recital tickets went on sale today, from 9-11. I casually walked in at 8:50 (I like to be early).... and was greeted with a loonnnnnnnggggg line wrapping around the hallway - parents on air mattresses, CAMPING OUT OVERNIGHT, just so they could get the "best" tickets. In my oblivion, I walked all the way back to the end of the line. Seriously folks, camping out overnight? My daughter is 3, and will be on stage all of 2 minutes, and MIGHT (there is no guarantee) perform. I was vehemently opposed to said recital, but Maeve loves dancing, so I thought, "why not?" I never thought Dance Moms would exist in Berks County!

My son is in sports. He is in a LAX club. We do not go to every practice (both Tuesdays and Fridays). We are lax about LAX! I truly think he likes it because it is fun, first and foremost. No pressure, no games... He doesn't HAVE to go. One parent questioned my "non-commitment" to the sport, to which I replied, "He's 6. He's committed to playing, as in for fun." At which point, as if to prove my point, he was rolling down the grassy hill in lieu of running speed sprints.

I do believe sports, and dance, and clubs have their place. But not to the point it consumes our evenings. Family dinner is a must, even if it's sitting around our patio table eating sandwiches for dinner. And weekends? Weekends are for family. Friends. Ice cream by the creek. Bike rides. Chalk drawings. Tossing a ball in the backyard. Teaching your little sister to hula hoop. Being bored, so maybe bickering (a lot), but eventually discovering there's a shovel and dirt in the backyard - and, hey, all of a sudden you're a paleontologist on an adventure. All day soccer tournaments? Those are for the birds.

Awesome post, K. Every moment spent reading your words is a treasure.

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Jeane
5/17/2014 03:46:25 am

As you know, I loved these thoughts and how your strung them together from the very beginning...and I'm loving the thoughtful responses coming from our neighborlie readers!

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Adie
5/21/2014 11:26:55 pm

Loved this! Love you! Thought provoking...action provoking!

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    Kristen

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    A lover of all things earthy and inspired to live simply in order to live more fully, Kristen seeks to find tangible ways to be authentic - and you can count on her to tell it like it is. Kristen spent her early years as a missionary kid, and is now involved in her own mission closer to home. She is trying to find practical ways to serve her neighbors who are living in poverty and still keep it real {and peaceful} with her husband and two little boys. Kristen is a classically-trained musician who passionately leads people in worship as a part of her church's band. A [sometimes reluctant] working mom, Kristen owns The Brain Gym where she enjoys solving learning, reading and attention issues for kids and adults.
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