Favorite gift to make: 
I enjoy making soups and repurposed items, cookie making and pretzel dipping day with as many generations as can come; then giving them to neighbors in our development (one that is very closed and not friendly yet looks for us each year) & making a point to hold one gathering of great people to connect and be intentional about relationship.

I love listening to: 
Michael Buble - Let it Snow and any of  the classics... Dean Martin! Frank Sinatra! Nat King Cole!

Favorite gift to make:  
Southern Pecans.  I love making these and putting them in cellophane bags with pretty ribbon for hostess gifts, neighbors, the mailman, etc. Just keep them in your freezer and pull one out when you need a little gift. Easy and delicious!

Southern Pecans
1 pound pecans 
1 cup sugar
1 egg white 
1 tsp salt
1 Tbsp water 
1 tsp cinnamon

Combine sugar, salt and cinnamon in a small bowl and set aside. In another bowl, whip egg white and water with wire whisk or fork until frothy (do not use electric beaters).  Pour froth over nuts and mix until all nuts are wet. Add sugar mixture to wet nuts and mix until all nuts are coated. Spread onto large greased cookie sheet with an edge. Bake at 300 for 30 minutes (stirring every 10 minutes).  Loosen from cookie sheet while still warm. Place on wax paper to cool. Enjoy!

I Love Listening To:  
A Charlie Brown Christmas by Vince Guaraldi Trio and A Christmas To Remember by Amy Grant.  These two are so peaceful and beautiful, I play them all year round. I was going to mention my Dolly Parton holiday station on Pandora, but I thought I might get asked to leave Neighborlies. Hard Candy Christmas still moves me to tears. I'm such a weirdo.

What I do to keep it simple:
Online shopping only. Make ahead (any) breakfast casserole to put in the oven Christmas morning (this is a great one!). Read the Christmas story in the kids bedroom before rushing downstairs for presents. And don't forget to chill the champagne for Mimosas. 

I love listening to:
James Taylor Christmas and Andre Bocelli. And my husband and son on the piano (Not sold in stores).

What I do to keep it simple:
As the years have passed, I've become increasingly less frenzied over perfecting every little detail--so I guess changing my mindset was the first thing. Do I dare share that for the last two years, we didn't even put up a tree? (Gasp!) We have a faux tree that I have year round that I may decorate in a seasonal theme, but not a traditional Christmas tree. I also love avoiding the crowds and shopping online.


I love listening to:
City on a Hill is always on my playlist this time of year.

What I do to keep it simple:  
Buy (almost exclusively) online, choose quality over quantity (our boys are each getting only one gift from us this year). Most importantly, I am purposing myself to be intentional with my calendar <-- this one is really hard/important because my December work schedule is REALLY FULL (like, scary full). So planning intentional down time to bake and be with my kids and also saying "no" to (even really great) things in order to have PJ family time to just be together are ways that I am attempting to preserve my sanity and the mental health of my family.

I love listening to:  
All of the classics - Bing Crosby, Ella Fitzgerald, Ray Charles, Dean Martin - I have a Pandora station of these gems. Aaaaaaand, if I'm being honest…the Mariah Carey Christmas album is pretty much unbeatable.

What I do to keep it simple:
I try to simplify Christmas as much as possible. Once I get myself going, I enjoy the decorating of the house and gradually adding gifts for those on my list, but they are not expensive or in abundance. Growing up my children always received just three gifts- I guess because Jesus did...but then again, why do we give ourselves gifts on HIS birthday? That's always a mystery to me. I hate the frantic pace that the media captures from Thanksgiving eve to the day AFTER Christmas- as much as possible I wanted to shift the attention off of that and on to just BEING during the Christmas season. Early on my kids knew to make a list of things they wanted, but they also knew that there would not be an over-abundance under the tree.More than anything, I hope my kids will remember what they gave, more than what they received-or begged for- or coveted over.

I love listening to:  
I'm  a fan of Pandora and enjoy the mixed station of Celine Dion, Josh Groban and Michael Buble that is playing in the background as I type!

Simple gifts:  
This year my Dad and Mom are writing letters of blessing and encouragement to their 25 grandchildren.... no gifts, only the beautiful blessing of their words (and the kids will be grateful dang it)! In other simple gift news, I have used the French Press Mornings encouragement verses more than a few times. You can print a bunch out and tie a ribbon around them and voila, a notecard set. Or frame them.

What I love listening to:  
"Wintersong" by Sarah Mclachlan, anything by Over the Rhine and a new one that I ordered this year by Katharine McPhee, "Christmas is the time to say I love you" (stupidest album title ever)! Also, our record player breaks out during the holiday season with oldies by Bing, Evie, Frank and Psalty.

How I try to not overspend:  
I LOVE buying presents. I love finding something that screams "This Is Perfect for Person A" and knowing that they will have that same excitement when they open it. But our bank account doesn't love me loving it. So I create a budget for each person and stick to it by putting literal cash in a literal envelope with that person's name on it. We've done this for the past 10 or so years. And I'm SURE that THIS will be the year that I don't use our credit card as a back up ...

What I love listening to:   
"She & Him : A Very She & Him Christmas" - for a little folksy-ness. "Cambridge Singers & John Rutter : Christmas Star" - for a little classical chamber Christmas. "David T Clydesdale : Let Heaven and Nature Sing" - for a little classical modern Christmas.

What I do to keep it simple:  
For our children' gifts, we are sticking by this guideline: Something to wear, something you need, something you want, something to read. Also, as I'm not much of a follower of blogs about easy gift giving (except for my moms!), I have loved the ideas that my cousin Lindsay has shared on quick, easy and desirable gifts to give... her Pinterest board is completely worth following!

What I love listening to:
James Taylor Christmas, Perry Como and any Amy Grant Christmas album.

Sometimes people ask me both as a survivor and as a physician, how they can help someone going through all this.  I think this depends on what a person’s “healing style” is. I find people fall largely in to two categories.  

There is the person who just wants to go in a cave and lick their wounds 
and come out when they are ready to deal with the world and move on.  
I have this cavewoman mentality.  For us it takes energy to be polite, 
appreciative and interactive when people call or come to visit. At times I know I have hurt people who loved me because I just wanted to be left alone and they wanted to help.
 
The other type person really thrives when they are nurtured and attended to, just absorbing all that love and building on the energy.  Neither is right or wrong, just different.  If you think about it, usually you can figure out your friend/loved one’s type and then adjust your support accordingly. 
 
Regardless of type, and regardless of stage of recovery, everyone wants and needs to know that someone cares.  Unless you are best friends or an immediate family member, I think the best method is an old fashioned, non-electronic card, signed in your handwriting and stuck in an envelope you can lick shut.  I say this because the person can open, read, reread, and enjoy it on their timetable, not yours. It is concrete and tangible.  If you can’t think of any intimate word of encouragement (perhaps you don’t know her that well) a Bible verse to meditate on is good.  If you have one, stick in a picture of you and her together. Remember some of the toughest days are two to six months after she is diagnosed, so send another card.  You don’t always have to make it a get well card.  Sometimes the healing person just wants normal chit chat.

If your healing person is the nurture-empowered type, do go visit.  Sometimes this is hard and scary if they have lost their hair, lost weight and their color isn’t good or they have the drains and ports you cannot overlook.  She will just appreciate the normalness of your visit. But keep it brief as it does require more energy than you think when you are running at the margin.  Better to come back more often and keep it short.

Another way to show love is the carry in meal.  I think this works for both types of healing person. One suggestion I would make is to remember your healing person may not be able to eat the food you bring for her family.  She is glad she doesn’t have to cook for them and appreciates your care but her needs may be different if she is nauseated or recovering from surgery when protein requirements are higher.  Maybe make an egg custard for her or chicken noodle soup. How about a loaf of homemade bread and some herbal tea bags for tea and toast when she feels hungry? Bring things that are mild, easily digestible and that can be “picked at” or reheated multiple times.  If it the right season to pick some flowers from your garden, stick some in an old salad dressing bottle you were going to throw away anyway and brighten up the presentation of her food.  I highly recommend sending food in containers that do not need to be returned for obvious reasons.

One of my favorite blessings was when a friend paid for her housecleaner to come and clean anything I wanted for 4 hours.  The reason this worked so well is that “cavewoman me” did not need to “entertain” a friend for 4 hours. (The cavewoman will feel like she has to help if a friend is doing her work.) I had felt guilty I wasn’t keeping up with household duties so it needed to be done.  Since the cleaning lady was an old order member, my friend had to drop her off and pick her up so we had a few quick minutes to share and in the end I really enjoyed the time with my new friend/ cleaner, as she would touch base with me periodically and get another task to tick off the list. I know this was a very generous gift, but perhaps several people could go together to hire someone.

If your healing person is married and has kids, don’t forget about them.  Here’s where you can recruit your husband/father/brother to give her husband a break to go have a beer or play some golf or go to a game.  Guys don’t usually talk much but they do worry.  They worry they are not doing “it” right. They worry they cannot alleviate their wife’s pain.  They grow weary of trying to be strong and give updates for the millionth time as people ask about her. Sometimes they feel worried about things they feel selfish for thinking about:  What if she dies and leaves me alone with these little kids?  Your guy can give him the chance to vent and feel normal. 

Depending on the age of the children, arrange a play date and take the
kids for a day.  Even if your healing person’s mother/sister/someone has come to care for the kids and household, she will occasionally need a break too.  If the kids are teenagers, especially girls, offer to take them out for a grown-up, heart to heart coffee/latte chat.  They will have questions to verbalize like “What happens if mom dies?  Will I get this?” All are legitimate, but she may be afraid to discuss with them with her mom.  And teen girls usually take on the responsibility for being “the mom” for the family, whether they are ready or not.  Help them know there are people who care, who will fill in the gaps, so they can still be just a kid most of the time.

I have a last suggestion for you tech savvy readers. For many of us in our 
fifth-plus decade, just logging on and viewing a Facebook page is work. Offer to set up and maintain a blog for your healing person so people know how to care for her and leave messages of encouragement.   I am currently following 2 friends on a website called caringbridge.com where the healing person or their family can post progress notes and, after logging insecurely, people can send notes back.  If this is not available around here I am sure there is something like it, it is just a matter of someone taking the time to set up and get going.

Please comment and add suggestions from your own best “cared for”  or "caring" experiences!